


The One Where Ken Meets GI Joe

by girl_wonder



Series: Barbie fic! [2]
Category: Barbie
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2009-12-03
Updated: 2009-12-03
Packaged: 2017-10-04 03:35:51
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,681
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25508
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/girl_wonder/pseuds/girl_wonder
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>There was this dance...</p>
            </blockquote>





	The One Where Ken Meets GI Joe

Barbie called him in the middle of the night and said, "I'm having an army dance for the boys returning from war."

Ken asked, "We have boys returning from war?"

"Yes. You know, the unit returning." She sighed, "Ken, I had a public ceremony for the local men lost during the war, _last week_. Aren't you paying attention to anything?"

During the public ceremony Ken had been driving around in his new Porsche trying to decide if it worked with his new suit. It did.

"I was away on business," he said vaguely, but Barbie didn't seem to care.

"Anyway, I remembered that you had experience with this sort of thing and I wanted to know if you could be there."

Ken sat down on the couch. "Is this like those fake USO dances we used to go to?"

"They were retro!" Barbie said defensively. "Can you do it?"

"Sure." If he was lucky, Blaine would be there and then maybe while Barbie was giving one of her speeches...

"Great. Set up starts at five." There was a pause, and Barbie said, suddenly, "Blaine says, 'hi.'"

"Tell him, 'hi' back." Ken was so getting some.

*****

The USO dance was not a USO dance. First of all, none of the returning men were in their dress uniforms. Secondly, before they let their commander enter the room, they did a situation check, which seemed to involve waving their guns around a lot and glaring at all of Barbie's friends.

Midge was the most put out by it, but that was primarily because her kids were running around somewhere. As the new mother, she was absolutely certain that they would get shot.

Ken was vaguely amused by the whole thing, a lot more amused by the way that the waiter uniform fit on the beach boy buddy of Blaine's. The guy seemed to smile a lot of laconic smiles, and one involved something that wasn't quite a flirtatious hint of teeth.

The punch bowl was non-alcoholic in honor of Barbie's most recent venture into charity work. The Barbie Alcoholic Rehabilitation Center had been erected next to the old movie theatre and everyone pretended not to know exactly who went in and out of its doors. Still, everyone was watching Allen carefully to make sure he didn't fall off the wagon.

Ken wondered what the point of calling it Alcoholics Anonymous was if everyone knew who you were.

"I'm Joe," the guy who was sitting next to him said.

Ken smiled his New Boss smile. "Ken," he said. Out of habit, Ken extended his hand, internally hoping that Joe wouldn't ruin his new manicure.

Joe's grip was firm and lasted for a second longer than too-long. His face didn't seem able to smile anything other than Boy-Next-Door, but the way his eyes analyzed the situation of Ken's pants made Ken switch to his Post-Race Athlete smile.

"I have a Porsche," Ken said.

"I have a Hummer," Joe said at the same time.

********

Three days later, Ken was siting with his back to the front door, wearing the same clothes he'd been wearing for at least thirty hours and that was so much more disgusting when he wasn't doing something like camping. At least if he was camping, there'd be an explanation for wearing the same clothing for such a long period of time. Not that Ken did that when he was camping. In fact, the last time he'd gone away for a weekend fishing trip, he'd packed six outfits just to be safe.

Tommy came in from the pool, his towel dry, skin looking a little soft from all the time in the sun.

Staring, Tommy asked, "Ken, what are you doing?"

"Don't look at me," Ken hissed. "He'll know I'm here."

"That one night stand?" Tommy smiled his Substitute Teacher smile. "Ken, your one night stand is not stalking you."

"He's out there right now in the bushes!" Ken hissed. He was wearing his Rookie Detective smile, and he kind of wished that he still had his gun from that, even if it had never been fired.

"I don't think so," Tommy moved on to his Kindergarten Teacher Smile. "Do you want me to check?"

Ken bent his head forward, feeling his jaw collapse a little onto itself. "Would you?" He toppled to the side to let Tommy out the door.

When Tommy came back in two minutes later, one of his arms was pulled all the way back and he was walking hunched over. After pushing himself vertical, he helped Ken up and said, "Yeah. Your one night stand is stalking you. Also, he got a little jealous when I said that it was my house, too."

Pivoting around his waist, Tommy checked for damage and said, "Why is it you can only hook the psychos?"

********

Eventually Ken screwed up the courage to leave the house. Well, not courage exactly, but he had an appointment with a spa that did real cotton buffing, and he'd seen how men looked when they came out, shiny like they were brand new. Ken couldn't afford to wait another month for a new appointment, so he turned on his Porsche and drove away very quickly.

After his appointment, Joe was leaning against the Porsche, casually, like he hadn't followed Ken.

"I want to have dinner with you," Joe said, before Ken could do anything other than hope the knife sheath Joe was wearing wasn't going to scratch the paint job on the car. "I think we could really be good together." Joe shifted to the side a little.

"Don't scratch the paint!" Ken screamed, he collected himself, smiling the Patient Customs Agent smile. "Really, it was just a one night stand."

He blinked and looked at where Joe's biceps were bulging because of his crossed arms. Joe's muscles were really big. Ken said, "I mean, as long as that's alright with you."

The glare that Joe was wearing was so far from the Boy Next Door smile that Ken wondered if he was seeing things, and should maybe schedule an appointment with the local optometrist. If he ever became a doctor again the nerdy glasses would be so useful.

"Is this about me beating up your little twink?" Joe asked, holding open the drivers side door for Ken, shutting it politely behind him. "He really deserved it, though. He said that you thought I was stalking you. You don't, do you?"

Ken put his foot on the gas pedal and floored the car.

********

As far as Ken could see, Joe had stopped waiting in front of the house. He started showing up at Ken's work instead.

"Ken, your 12 o'clock is here," Brad said, picking up the stack of papers that Ken had just signed.

"Who is it?" Ken asked with a sigh. He'd been hoping to have an hour to himself to check to see if the rumors that Armani had opened a store at the mall were true.

"Some new guy," Brad fit the papers up high under his arms, still wearing a headset and his Friendly, Helpful, Yet Masculine, Receptionist smile.

Walking out into the reception area, Ken stopped suddenly. "What are you doing here?"

"Oh, you know," Joe smiled helplessly. "I was in the neighborhood."

For someone who theoretically was supposed to be in intelligence for a living, there was a definite artlessness to Joe's stalking.

"Fine," Ken said. "But you aren't getting any."

********

Only then Joe wouldn't leave him alone. He was in the supermarket when Ken was. He insisted that he had come to see _Tristan and Isolde_ on his own. No, Ken did not want any of his popcorn, some people were watching their salt intake.

And then, like that weird slippery algae that kept growing inside the pool, Ken started expecting Joe to be there. So, one day, he gave in, said, "Do you want to come in?"

Joe did.

********

The next morning, Ken decided to pull out the old racket and tennis shoes, because he figured that he could probably manage to tell someone while he was serving. If he was lucky, it'd be Blaise who would miss the serve and then fall over with a concussion. Ken wasn't holding out too much hope, though. His arm didn't quite have the reach for the perfect serve.

Instead he came out to find the entire military contingent in his kitchen. He blinked. They turned the safeties back on their guns.

Ken said, "Joe, who are all these people in my kitchen?"

The rest of the group stared at Joe, the way they did during the dance, as though he is about to utter Words of Truth. "Uh, maybe we should talk about this in a more private setting," Joe said.

Pushing Ken to the couch, Joe sat next to him, army green clashing hideously with the pastel blue. Ken wondered briefly if Joe would consider changing his unit's colors to hot pink if Ken asked nicely.

"We think that your ex-girlfriend may be the Cobra commander," Joe said.

Ken blinked. "I never dated any Asian ambassadors when the UN was headquartered here."

Joe coughed and said, "If I put a hand down your pants right now will you stop asking questions?"

For a minute Ken thought about it. Someone in the kitchen made a whip crack noise. Ken thought some more. "No."

"We think that Barbie is the Cobra commander."

Ken blinked. "But she's so..."

"Female?" Jane drawled from the kitchen.

Frowning, Ken said, "Blonde."

In the kitchen, he heard something crash. Ken bent his torso as far forward as he could and covered his eyes. Joe patted his shoulder. "It's always hard to learn things like this. But if it helps, she fooled us all."

"But, she's in charge of all the charities!" Ken said.

Jane stalked in, and Ken again wondered how that uniform was regulation standard. "Look, Ken. Barbie controls this entire town and no one even asks any questions. Don't you think that that's weird?"

"Not really. It's a Barbie world," Ken said, practically.

*******

end


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